Hillary Would Lose to Saddam Hussein in 2008 Election, Poll Claims

Zogby claims in their latest poll that Hillary Clinton should pack it up and go home, because she's been spanked.

Sorry Hillary, just call it a day. Refund the campaign money, sell the extra pantsuits, because Zogby has the truth!

According to Zogby's "scientific results," Hillary Clinton trailed "Lying Weasel" McCain 42 percent to 38 percent, "9/11" Giuliani by 43 percent to 40 percent, and "Strap my dog to the roof of a car and drive 80 mph" Romney by 43 percent to 40 percent.

Also in a major surprise, the movie I Heart Huckabee's knocked off Hillary by 44 to 39 percent margin, and Fred Thompson's Law and Order character (Not Fred himself, strangely he wasn't in the poll) defeated Hillary 44 to 40 percent in polls conducted by Zogby.

Of course, Zogby failed to mention that A) Zogby is an ancient Sanskrit term for "snake oil salesman", B) Zogby ignores poll results and spits out whatever headline they prefer, and C) This poll cast one bark as a vote for the Republican candidate and two barks as a vote for Hillary.

John and James Zogby, the Brothers Zogby, are the wonderful truth-fighting duo who have issued polls claiming the majority of Americans want to attack Iran. Suspiciously enough, this is the same group that earlier issued a poll claiming Barack Obama would defeat any Republican candidate.

According to Zogby, the number 2 Democrat would beat any Republican, but the number 1 Democrat would get whipped by the number 5 Republican?

If Zogby or any group is going to claim that a large percentage of this country deep down wouldn't vote for a female candidate, then we have to say that those same inbred people would likely not vote for a black candidate. So how can they claim Obama would dominate in one poll and Hillary get trounced in another?

The answer is easy. CASH.

Rush Limbaugh referred to John Zogby as "my favorite pollster," probably because Zogby does a lot of work for the Republican Party and other Right Wing Nutjob groups. To be fair, Zogby does a lot of work for Left Wing Nutjob groups as well, probably because Zogby is known in the industry as an "enabler." Meaning, if you want a poll claiming 2 out of 3 college co-eds prefer to be lobotomized to having sex, Zogby will get you those results.

Which changes the debate around the water cooler from, "did you see the latest poll results?" to, "I wonder who paid for the latest poll results?"

Who has the most to gain from the latest poll? Any of the Republican candidates, and any of the Democratic candidates except Hillary. It wouldn't be surprising if Obama's campaign paid for it, after all, they probably paid for the other poll showing his dominance of Republican candidates.

The moral of the story: Don't pay attention to anything Zogby polls claim. And while we're at it, you can extend that to any polling company. The results are simple to spin, and virtually no company that is in business to make money is truly independent and non-biased.